The world looks different today. Brighter, more colourful.
Over the last days something happened that touched me deeply and made tears pour over and wash my face and eyes like a tropical monsoon rain. But even though the tears started from a feeling of deep sadness and pain, the feeling did not remain.
I realised that the source of my tears was not the pain or sadness that I felt from the outset, but a river of love and my mere awe and love for Life. And with that came an understanding that took me beyond the veil of clouds that sometimes covers my eternal sun. After all, our tears of joy and sadness spring forth from one and the same source: Love.
It felt like looking at a flowing river. One moment, the water is never the same as the next. It's flowing and changing nature leave nothing constant, except for the river itself. Yet if you would want to capture a single moment of the river in it's exact state, you would have to freeze and obstruct it's flow and the river would no longer be a river. I realised that in a particular experience of my life I had frozen part of my being and life energy into a single moment, a concept of love, a fear and painful memory. And now that I was letting go of the moment, I could finally see the whole river again. Although this realisation had come to me before, this time felt like it hit another level. And more tears are still coming, flowing, cleansing my windows to the world. Allowing me to see and let in all of existence bright shining Love more openly and clearly.
It reminded me of a poem that I wrote on February 9th 2009 to be exact. The words came with a melody as I looked up in the sky from my window at the time, and felt my heart opening up in love:
Our texture is the same It's in the music that plays The drawings in the sky, parting the clouds and pouring sunlight. Open your eyes wide Like a newborn on a clear morning Alien to this world, yet full of love. Ever as thrilled to be amazed Listening to the untouched silence of everything new. Today feels like a brighter day and brighter days will follow. While we follow the sun to the horizon, as we sail away And yes, in this very moment, I do feel like my eyes have been opened wider, and I can only see the world through this love. I feel full of it in every way.
Sure I have had wonderful, heart-opening experiences before in my life. But this time feels different.. this time feels lasting.
It feels like I am entering into the land of eternal sunshine, the field out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing that the sufi poet Rumi described and which I always dreamed of. Now maybe I haven't fully arrived yet, or I may drift off again.. but for all I can say I have at least felt, seen and smelled the flowers and grass and danced in it. As if I walked out of an illusion of pain like someone suddenly born into colour.
Knowing that to be fully alive we also need to fully embrace death and that the non-dual space between is where we are in Love.
From this knowing, there is also another verse by Rumi that kept finding me over the years, which now speaks to me from a deeper level of understanding.
Inside this new love, die. Your way begins on the other side. Become the sky. Take an axe to the prison wall. Escape. Walk out like someone suddenly born into color. Do it now. You’re covered with thick cloud. Slide out the side. Die, and be quiet. Quietness is the surest sign that you have died. Your old life was a frantic running from silence. The speechless full moon comes out now.
As humanity, we are moving into the consciousness and embodiment of true love, of oneness. And every fraction wherein you find this beautiful place of love and unity within yourself, another person or the moment, embrace it. Fully.
Try to anchor yourself into that deep inner knowing, and walk out from the old pain, memories and constrained beliefs that may still cloud your experience of life.
Walk out like someone suddenly born into colour.
With love,
Anthe
